Perfect
by Watermelancholy
Summary: He was there, he had the opportunity; he wasn't supposed to fail. *DRABBLE. Kensei, Shinji, no pairings. Slight OOC. TBTP spoilers.*


Written post Turn Back the Pendulum 8 spoilers and pre Turn Back the Pendulum 8 chapter release (while I was in the mood for some self-pity XD.) They _are_ very OOC, and no, this is not a pairing drabble; it's purely general.

--

Kensei let his arms fall to his sides, content for once to simply gaze up at the stars from where he lay against the cold dirt. His stare fell straight through them though, listless eyes resting on some unseen object much further away. Useless; this whole situation felt completely useless to him, and what was worse was the fact that he didn't know what he could _do_ about it. At least if there was _nothing_ he could do he'd have the peace of mind knowing it, but no! He had to be lost in all this mess! The ground gave a low vibration as he pounded the dirt with a clenched fist, grinding his teeth while his anger stirred up that unwelcome presence within him.

"What am I supposed to do?" he murmured to the stars, though silent they remained.

"Why d'ya have to do anything?"

"..." Kensei lifted his head enough to stare at the man perched on the tall ledge before him in a crouch. "Shinji."

"I just got through talkin' to those two," he said, jutting a slim thumb over his shoulder. "An' it didn't go well. Don't tell me I gotta coddle you too."

"I don't need your _coddling_," he tried to keep the sneer from his voice, frowning at the mention of the two girls, "but thanks." In an attempt to escape the leaner man's hawk-like gaze, Kensei closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his tattered robes slipping further off his chest. Those words really ate at him; Mashiro and Hiyori had taken their transformations the hardest, he thinks. Mashiro doesn't understand. Hiyori doesn't either, but for a completely different reason. A deeper confusion founded her anger, something Kensei couldn't even begin to touch, and he couldn't forget. It was his fault, right? For not being smart enough to realize before it was too late, for not being strong enough to help. Even if Mashiro and he had been there together, _he_ was supposed to be the leader, not her.

"Oy." Brow twitching at being interrupted from his self-wallowing, Kensei cracked an eye open to find Shinji's face an inch from his own, not the least bit unnerved by his half-lidded gaze. He'd grown used to that years ago. What did strike him, though, was the lack of a smirk, the gleaming teeth hidden behind a tight frown. "You're really gonna do it, aren't ya?"

"Do what?"

"Sit here an' blame yourself for everything that happened." Kensei huffed softly.

"Did you _need_ something, Shinji?"

"Nothin's gonna happen with you blamin' yourself, Kensei."

"Shinji –"

"And if by some _obscure_ chance ya _were_ at fault, none of that matters now." Kensei finds a hand shoved promptly in his face as Shinji sits upright. "Got that? No one here blames anyone else."

It's painful, the kind of deep pain Kensei wasn't used to feeling, and he blinks a few times to try and cure his burning eyes. "I -- we -- should've known."

Shinji nods and murmurs in a soft tone not accredited to him, "I know."

"Well you seem to know everything, don't you?" he couldn't help but scowl, though really, he wasn't angry at _Shinji_ and was certain he knew this as well. "Then why don't you tell me something, Shinji. Tell me what happens now. What are we supposed to do?" Heaving a sigh, Shinji rose and pocketed his hands.

"Why," he repeats with emphasis, "do we have to do anything? Just wait for now."

"..." Kensei slowly lifted himself into a sitting position. When he looked up again Shinji was grinning that crooked grin and for a moment, just a moment, he could've sworn he was sitting in the Ninth Division's main hall, the evening lights warm against his back as the laughter of his comrades washed over him in a nostalgic wave of comforting familiarity.

"_So_," he heaved a sigh, "Hacchi's got Rose feelin' pretty good now that he's awake, so he's gonna eat with us tonight. What about you?" His eyes glistened, but Kensei could hear what Shinji was truly asking beneath his clever guise. _What are you gonna choose?_ Kensei snorted a quiet chuckle, rising and dusting off the tattered remains of his clothes (they'd need to get some new ones tomorrow.)

"Yeah, I'm coming. So what's --"

"Hold up!" Kensei's eyes widened, narrowing again almost instantly as he gripped Shinji's wrist and went to pull the slighter man's balled fist away from his stomach. "You got somethin' to do first."

"Like what?" he dared in a dangerous tone. Shinji's grin grew and he pointed a bony finger at his head.

"Cut my hair." Kensei cocked a brow.

"Cut your own hair."

"But you're the one that caused such awful damage," Shinji gave a dramatic tut, picking up a handful of lank strands and waving the frayed ends for effect. "Now you've gotta fix what you did." Kensei could feel his brow developing another tick, and he grabbed up the blonde man's hair momentarily before looking up at his face.

"Only if you'll fix mine," he muttered, running a hand through his disheveled bangs. He received a mischievous grin in return.

"Deal."


End file.
